My BC Story: Bringing Confidence Back!

I did my BC [Big Chop] in September 2011. My hair, at the time was the only thing that I thought was not natural on my body. For quite sometime then, I had wanted natural kinky hair. When I visited the salon and saw girls with natural nappy hair, I was getting worried. More, jealous. Worried because I thought I was not embracing my roots, my African beauty. No, this does not mean if you have relaxed hair you do not embrace your African roots [if you have them]. I just have a trait of over-thinking. Jealous because I thought to myself that my then thick long relaxed hair was fake, like a wig [I like wigs by the way. No hate.] That was wrong thinking but I just could not help myself from thinking that.

So the night I decided to chop off my then thick beautiful relaxed hair, so much for modesty, I was shockingly happy. I was experiencing a smoothie of emotions blend by an unknown expectation. It was one long weird night. When I woke up the next morning, I headed to my then hairdresser Pam and told her to chop it all off! You would not imagine the shock on the smooth-skinned round figured lady. I had just bombarded her with news from the future which is even more distant than the future she was looking forward to. The woman was furious! She shook her head over a bijillion times [Yes, bijillion is a word in my vocabulary. Sad, huh?]. She wen ton and hid the scissors demanding that I sit down and give her five legal and convincing reasons of why I wanted to chop off the hair that she drooled on when flat-ironing it and applying relaxer on.

"My Dear, hauko serious!"[My Dear, you aren't serous!], Pam said with her saddened motherly tone.

I was heartbroken by her concern of how boyish I would look and maybe, how harder it would be to make friends, harder than it was originally. I had made up my mind. Not even her puppy eyes would change my mind. Well, they were tempting! Very tempting. So I sat down on the three-wheeled chair, a towel lightly thrown on my shoulders, and it was show time. She sterilized her hair scissors and did it slowly. I had time to change my mind. She then put her chubby soft heavy hand on top of my head and asked again,

"Uko sure kabisa? You know if I was you singewahi fikiria kukata nywele mzuri kama hii?"

Are you completely certain? You know if I was you I would have never thought of cutting nice hair like this?

"Twende! Tukikaa hivi nitachange mind!" Let's do it! If we delay, I just might change my mind. I sombrely said. I have never had such an affirmative voice in scare in my life. I liked it. She started cutting the hair from the back, "Just in case uchange mind. Bob si mbaya." Just in case you change your mind. A Bob cut is not bad, she said- to more or less calm herself. I saw the first bunch fall off. Now that was difficult. I thought I was going through late adolescence crisis. "Why am I doing this?" "What will Mum think?" "Do you know how much money you've spent on your relaxed hair for the last 4 years?". Questions flocked my head.

As Pam continued cutting off my hair, I was slowly calming down. I then realized that the hair on ladies heads you see everyday is a big deal. Molded in an emotional string of emotion. At least myself. As the amount of hair increased on the floor, I then saw a flash of things that held me back fall of my shoulders. My head became lighter. Literally. I felt the insecurities that were dragging me down then fall off. It was a relief. As Pam evened out the hair, I felt a rush of two specific emotions: Relief and Scare. The second was something I was to work around. I was scared of my then potential comfortability with my inner beauty.

That day, I turned a new page. Experienced a new me. A new emotion: confidence. It was the best decision I made in 2011.

Yes, gentlemen. Hair is a big deal for ladies. Now you see why women pay that little attention on those strands on their heads. A big deal, alright.

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I would love to read and share your BC stories. You could send them to me on sirinusu@gmail.com and we could inspire and encourage each other - no matter how simple or complex your story is.

Have a lovely time.

Siri Nusu.